Normally what happens is I will get angry/frustrated/hurt/etc by someone, and I will have it all planned out in my mind. I know what I'm going to say, I know how I'll say it... often times, I even run it by friends just to make sure it's clear. Then it will come time to talk to said person. (side note: I'm all about the face-to-face when discussing serious things. When I don't put a face to the conversation, I'm a lot more likely to say things that I don't mean). So I will sit down to talk to this person, and all of a sudden, the speech I rehearsed goes out the window. Everything becomes much more passive, and I'm an instant forgiver.
This. Is. So. Frustrating.
The other person is always left with "no, it's ok," "I'm sure you didn't mean to," or my personal favorite "no, I didn't take it that way at all." Does this happen to anyone else? It's like the moment I see the person's face, I become afraid that my reaction to their actions will hurt their feelings. What?! It literally makes no sense. I'm pretty sure this means I'm sensitive... yup, no question about that one. I've always been the one to wear my heart on my sleeve, so I guess I just project that approach to life onto everyone else. And while I'm sure that there are people who are as sensitive as I am, and I pray for those who are more sensitive, the fact remains that I don't allow myself to be heard as much as I should. Referring back to my "Fears" post, this may have something to do with my chicken-shit status when it comes to confrontation. Either way, I'm tired of holding back (as much as I do). From now on, I will try to be as honest as I actually profess myself to be.
Thanks for Reading... honestly :)