It's strange, but in a good way.
I'm quite used to the concept of "having a crush on someone." If you read my post on being single, you'll see. But this is something different. Where usually I would use the word "attracted," the more accurate term here would be "drawn." I want to know this person, their mannerisms, their habits, their past, their present, and their hopes for the future. I understand that some of this may seem creepy, but I promise you it isn't. I'm friends with this person, this isn't just some guy I see everyday on my way to class.
Unfortunately, this is where my problem begins. I'm not the most confident, and definitely not the most assertive person when it comes to these situations. I don't know when the rest of you were taught the ways of flirting, but I assure you I missed that lesson. I always feel really awkward, which in turn probably makes me seem awkward. I have come to realize that a lot of it is confidence, but how exactly does one have confidence in being awkward?
I'm the type of person who has usually followed a certain "type" if you will. This guy really doesn't follow that at all. But I can't stop stealing glances... I do find him attractive; for his looks, his sense of humor, his intellect, and just the way he is.
But I can't help but wonder if it's mutual. I want to know, and I don't want to know. In the very recent past, things have felt extremely right, but they didn't turn out well. We're all told to follow our hearts (I definitely advocate for it), but what happens when our heart, or gut, or instinct, deceives us? What if it's happening again? Do I wait for a more affirming "sign?" Do I just let time go by?
I guess I'll just have to take the words of Laurie Matthews, "When faced with a tough decision, just wait."
Thanks for Reading!
I hope everyone is having pleasant dreams and beautiful thoughts as they sleep.
Good night everyone :)