I remember the first mature relationship I was in, those first couple of months weren't easy. Don't get me wrong, it was a ton of fun, but it wasn't something I was used to. All of a sudan there was another person in my life. There was someone else to consider when making decisions, someone else in my life to work to make happy, bottom line, it took work. Nothing new comes easily.
For me, being single has been the same way. Since late August of 2009 I had been doing something that I'm not extremely proud of. I had basically been looking for a relationship anywhere and everywhere. Because in my mind, if I was single, there was obviously something wrong with me. I had been in a successful relationship before, so not being in one meant that I was doing something wrong. I was basically becoming "emotionally easy." Anyone who showed me any kind of affection all of a sudan had all of my attention. Looking for an outlet for all this time and commitment I had shown before, I was giving it to people who, frankly, didn't deserve it. I'm not saying every guy I was interested in was dirt or anything. Not at all! Most of the guys were great, but I wasn't interested in them for the right reasons, and for any pain I caused them because of this, I apologize. I'm sure they'll find amazing young women who will cherish them for everything they are and everything they'll become. I'm just not that young woman. I know that when you're in your twenties you're supposed to meet people, date, "explore" if you will, but I wasn't dating to meet people, I was dating to forget.
Fast-forward to now. Right this second. 1:36 am on January 19th, 2011 and I'm the definition of single. I'm not attached to anyone, and it's refreshing. I'm getting to explore old passions in new ways. My love for writing turned into a knack for poetry, which then turned into a love for slam poetry and performing. My fascination for religions, societies, and people turned into the pursuit of a bachelor's degree in religious studies here at Iowa State.
I'm single. ...but thats not all of what I am. I'm no longer letting my relationship status define me. Because, to be perfectly honest, if I was asked to describe myself, unless asked specifically about my current "status," I'm not sure "single" would even make the list of adjectives. Because guess what? I'm loving. I'm strong. I'm honest. I'm a great listener, a loyal friend, and a faithful believer in Jesus Christ. I'm a hard worker with a caffeine addiction; a creative mind with a charismatic personality, and a comedian who will do whatever it takes to turn your day around. I walk alone to class, not because no one likes me, but because I like myself.
I have never heard anyone say that being in a relationship makes you a better person. I don't mean to be conceited, but for the most part, I like myself as a person. Do I have flaws? Duh. Don't you? For the most part, I love who I am, and I'm sure that someday someone else will too. Will it be tomorrow? maybe. Will it be three years from now? possibly. The best part is, while I'm waiting, I get to spend time with someone who I think is pretty cool.