I'm so very sorry that I haven't written a word in what seems like, oh.. forever (which, in less dramatic terms adds up to be about a month). To be perfectly honest, holidays = craziness. Between finishing up the term with finals and packing to go home, to getting home and unpacking (sort of), to seeing as many people as possible and as much as possible, to getting ready for classes, getting re-packed, and then getting back to school, and getting unpacked again (finally), yes, it's been insane. However, I will do my best in catching you all up.
Let's start at the very beginning (since it's a very good place to start.)
Finals were a very mean and ferocious bear. I didn't do as well in my classes as I had hoped, but I did survive them, which was something I was surprisingly thrilled about. Goodbye sociology classes! You were interesting towards the beginning, but after awhile you realize if you have a passion for something, or if it just comes easily to you. I'd rather put forth effort into something I love than be bored by something I no longer find stimulating. Nothing personal.
After finals were over (literally, the day after) I had a meeting with the head of the candidacy committee for the Southeastern Iowa Synod of the ELCA (which is the synod of the Lutheran Church I will be ordained in). I was walked through the process of my candidacy and shared with her my personal "Call Story" (which, on a side note, is something that I will probably publish on here at some point, just because I think it's important to understand my intentions as I wonder along this journey. I hesitate to publish it though, because I find it to be ever-changing... so we'll see.). That night, after my meeting, I drove the 2 1/2 - 4 hours to Davenport to finally be home. Leaving the thought of reading assignments, papers, and exams behind was so relaxing I couldn't help but smile the entire drive home.
I wasn't home long before I had to start getting ready for Christmas. I still had shopping to do and preparation for the Christmas Eve services took about 5 hours on the Wednesday evening prior. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE Christmas. Christmas Eve is one of my favorite days/nights of the entire year, but sometimes with the stress level, I forget that. But just like every year, it was completely fantastic. I got to sing in the choir and play in the band and I was surrounded by people I cherish.
From my parents I got a video camera, which I hope to use to document mission trips and such things.
The Wednesday evening after Christmas, I performed my poetry in Davenport for the first time (outside of a church service). Mojo's Coffeehouse in downtown Davenport had an open mic night, and I was stoked! I had done several open mic nights here in Ames at the M-Shop, so I was really excited to kind of show off what I had been working on to people in town.
Hello Reality.
I had three poems memorized. I jumped up on stage, I was so full of adrenaline! Then I opened my mouth...
...{and nothing came out}...
I completely froze. I couldn't come up with the opening line to a poem that I had written! The lines that I knew so well, that I had drilled into my brain over and over and over, poems that I could recite backwards (in apparently any other situation) completely escaped me. Family members and friends (and some other people) all waiting for this self-proclaimed talent... and nothing. I don't know if I have ever been so embarrassed in my entire life.
You know that feeling when you know you did a shitty job at something and everyone tells you "Oh, you did great!"? Yeah, lots of that... none of it helped. Because I knew I could have done better. I had built myself up to have this talent, when really it seemed like I didn't even have the ability.
I considered quitting. Right there. I was never going to get on a stage, in front of a microphone again. I was still going to write, but no one was going to hear it.
Then I realized, I was being a spoiled little brat. So something was difficult... so what? If I was going to quit after one failure, then I deserved the label "pathetic." So I analyzed how I did, breaking it apart. Slam poetry has two parts, the Poetry, and the Slam. Basically, the writing and the performance. I can write. I know I can. It's something I know that I can be confident in. My performance, however, was lacking. At least I know where my weakness lies. And I'm working on fixing it. I'm going to take performance classes, dabble in some theatre, and see what comes of it. But more than anything, I'll keep up with the open mic nights, because there's nothing more educational than experience.
As far as events go, that's basically it for now. I mean, it's like 3:something am, so my ability to focus is basically shot. (frankly, I'm surprised this entry is as long as it is.)
1. I'm sorry if my posts are lengthly, and they resemble something like a homework reading assignment, but I have a lot of things to say lol, but I do try to make them fun to read. I add random colors... and
2. I'm going to start adding more pictures soon! That, and
3. I'll be posting more frequently now that I'm back to a routine, so they won't have to be this long.
4. No, I haven't forgotten about my last couple of lessons for my 20 lessons in 20 years thing, I'm still working on it, I just want the last ones to be good, so I'll try to make them worth the wait. :)
I believe that's all for now. (I have more to say of course, but you probably have other things to do, other people to creep on, and so forth) so I'll leave you with this:
"Should you find yourself the victim of other peoples' bitterness, ignorance, smallness, or insecurities, remember this; things could be worse. You could be one of them." -Anonymous
Thank you for reading :)
Love,
Emily.