But I have a confession.
I was having coffee with someone the other day, and after telling them this they asked me something that, quite frankly, left me speechless. He asked "You seem like a really great listener, but who listens to you?"
...I didn't know what to say.
I'm not saying that I don't have anyone who cares about me or anything like that, because this problem of mine is probably something I created for myself. I spend so much energy listening and helping other people that I put my own problems on the back burner. Is involving myself in other people's lives a subconscious way for me to get to forget about my own? Maybe.
Lately, I've been feeling a little more lonely than I have in the past. This isn't no-one-understands-me-lonely, or everyone-has-betrayed-me-lonely. This is the after-I'm-done-helping-the-people-I-care-about-there's-no-one-for-me-to-turn-to-lonely. Like I said, this is most likely my own fault because in an attempt to listen, I tend not to share. It's not that I have a lot to hide, because believe me, my secrets are few. It's because I'm used to my "problems." they're old, boring. But to hear stories from other people... it's new information, another person who wants someone to listen, another opportunity for me to use the gift God gave me.
When it comes to other people, there are very few that I ask a lot from; my parents, obviously, my sister, definitely, and a few really close friends that I seek for occasional advice and random reality checks. Unfortunately, non of those people are here, right now, in front of me. I love technology. I can text my sister and tell her how my day is going, I can facebook chat with Nicole in Australia and ask her if I'm going insane. But there's just something about that face-to-face connection that technology, as much as it tries, will never replace. Sure, you can "hug" a friend on facebook, but you can't feel their compassion for you in the strength of their hold.
Bottom line... I don't know if I can be brave by myself.