Alone is when you are by yourself, because you want to be. Alone is when you're sitting in your room studying, and your roommate is in the next room looking for an excuse not to do homework. All you have to do is ask her if she wants to go get pizza.
Lonely is when you find yourself in a room full of people, but you feel completely by yourself. Lonely is not really a decision in itself. I mean, you can decide to take steps to escape from lonely, but alone and lonely come down to preference.
The last time I wrote about really being lonely was over a year ago... in fact, almost two. It's under the title "Brave, Table for One." Since then, I've found myself in the "Alone" category quite a bit, but never really in the "lonely" category. Until recently.
I hate this feeling because I feel like I'm not in control, which sucks. I obviously don't want to be upset/angry/frustrated... I know happy very well, and would rather be there in a heartbeat. I'm moody and annoyed and frustrated and, to be honest, jealous. The most difficult part of being lonely is being surrounded by people who aren't. Is this about being single? Maybe. Is it about other peoples' couple-hood? Possibly. Either way, I feel stuck.
One of the easiest ways I can tell that I'm at this point is when I don't feel like doing what I love, and that's listening to people. The minute I think to myself "Ugh, I don't want to/can't deal with your problems and mine at the same time. This is especially true when their problems have to deal with dating or relationships. It's just a reminder.
It's these kinds of feeling that make me question on the brave.
I love you for reading.
Remember that you're a reflection of the greats that came before you.